Coaching Leaders of Tired Groups – Part 2

Show Notes:
The Art of Gathering: How we meet and why it matters by Priya Parker 

The Essential Guide for Small Group Leaders by Bill Search
Why does a group get tired? 

•Leader begins to coast
•Meeting becomes routine
•Relationships hit a plateau
•Purpose is lost
#1 Leader Coasting 

Am I practicing “Generous Authority”? 

– [Priya Parker] 

“’Chill’ is selfishness disguised as kindness.” 

– Priya Parker 

Generous Authority Serves others by: 

1.Protecting group members 
2.Equalizing group members 
3.Inter-Connecting group members 

We practice Generous Authority by:
1.Practicing good MANNERS in the group
 2.Reminding all of the “RULES” 
3.Encourage “Sprout” Speeches not “Stump” Speeches 

Now What?
1. Re-affirm Covenant 

2. Have tough conversations
3. Re-up as the leader or get out 
4. Share Leadership 

#2 Meeting Routine 

“The room is doing 80% of the job” – Jerry Seinfeld 

Venue Matters 

1.The space should be a symbol of reason for meeting 

2.The space should bring out desired behaviors and discourage those you don’t 

3.Consider density 

Format Matters 

1.Mix it up
2.Curtail the dull parts 
3.Try different curriculum 

Now What? 
1. Rotate Hosting 

2. Share testimony
3. Serve together
4. Choose an unlikely meeting place 

#3 Relationships Plateaued 

Why does this happen? 

1.We stop being curious about others 
2.We decide how far we will go relationally
3.Potential conflict zones are avoided 
4.We don’t feel safe 

What can you do about it? 

1.Don’t avoid the awkward – embrace it 

2.Utilize GOOD ice-breakers 
3.Encourage people to share what no one in the group would guess/ know about them
4.Talk about the forbidden subjects of politics, sex, and religion 
5.Don’t stop conflict but guide it 
6.Navigate underlying conflicts 

Now What? 
1. Split by gender 

2. Subgroup for prayer
3. Retreat
4. Day trip, local restaurants, or local tourism 

#4 Lost Purpose 

“A good gathering purpose should be ‘disputable’”
 – The Art of Gathering by Parker 

Start by asking “WHY are we meeting?” 

1.First, ask the church leadership 
2.Reverse engineer current meeting 

and compare to stated goal 
3.Who is this for? 

Second ask “Why are WE meeting?” 

1.Is our goal the same as the leadership’s goal? 

2.Do we have a different goal? 

Third, re-state and re-affirm your purpose 

1.Discuss the purpose as a group 
2.Arrive at consensus
3.Everyone has to re-up 

That didn’t work. Now what? 

How to End Your Group 

(Page 87, Essential Guide for Small Group Leaders
1.Understand all groups come to a natural end 
2.Get input from group members
3.Ask everyone to make a personal plan 
4.Plan a final meeting and put it on the calendar
5.End the group in a prayer circle
6.Don’t forget to tell your pastor or small group coach that your group has ended 

Recommended Resources: 

Dare to Lead by Brene Brown
The Art of Gathering By Parker
Essential Guide for Small Group Leaders by Search Questions? 

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